The Crystal (Light) Diet

So I have had two packets of Crystal Light in my cupboard for about 12 years and couldn't bring myself to either throw them out or use them. I decided, one day when I was desperate for liquid pleasure and only had water that I would actually use them. The day came.

The other day I was thirsty but not in the mood for plain water so I filled a pitcher with a packet of CL and mixed it vigorously with 2 liters of ice cold H2O. I should have been spooked by the unnatural Ferrari red coloring of the drink but I decided to move forward with the mission. I drank a glass of the chemical laced bug juice and within about 30 minutes my insides decided to revolt. This continued throughout the day and yet I still drank more of the stuff.

All you Hollywood dieters out there take heed. The best way to lose weight is to drink Crystal Light 2-3 times a day. You will spend half the day in the bathroom but I figure that by the end of the week you should be able to lose at least 8 pounds.